One of the things I find the greatest onboard is what we learn from each other.
Since I am sailing, my social skills have pretty much drastically changed. maybe. sometimes. I don’t know actually. But I do like to believe so. That is a first step isn’t it?
I still think I am the same, but maybe I have learned how to shut my mouth a bit more. Or to let go a bit more. I still don’t do it enough though, but you cannot become a wise person in just one go right? And I like being direct sometimes too. Then people know where to stand (and I don’t always realize how direct I can be… I just say straight what is very square in my head).
Since very young. Maybe ever I guess. I think I can only recall being like that, people can read everything and anything on my face. If I am happy or unhappy. If I look perplex or if I look upset. I do not know . It’s apparently the way I tighten my lips, have my jaws tight that make my face more tense, but also the way I act. I will stay quiet by my side and no one really dares approaching me. Except a happy few!! haha. I am like an open book, anybody can read it out loud.
The thing is that. There are several actually:
Sometimes it is true. I am in a « leave me alone mood » and God knows how the bridge can be busy, people coming in and out and asking stupid – sorry the wrong questions at the wrong time… 😉 and I am fighting with myself to be patient and not jump on everybody that come in. I actually know that I realize easily when I was wrong and apologize a bit later when these things happen.
Sometimes, people think they read something on my face, but I am just in my thoughts. So obviously there is a misunderstanding.
And sometimes the only thing I want is to have people doing the exact opposite as what my face thinks it’s telling them to do. Just come to me to get me out of there, because my thoughts – negative or not- will just keep on dragging me down and maybe with ideas that are wrong. The typical « I think someone thinks that I thought he thought…. ». The never ending worrying circle that in the end creates only misunderstandings and complicated non existing situations. – I know these pretty well!-
How can one manage this onboard? A place where you have to stay professional, friendly, but still get the things done without having people stepping over your feet and over ranking you as chief officer; and still having a social life with all these same persons?
Living onboard is not the easiest, but you find your way through it. eventually. I always say that onboard one grows way faster than on land. Let’s be real here. If you are upset or angry at someone, you cannot just slam the door and just say « ok see you in three weeks I am done with you ». Well maybe the next three hours you still have to work with that same person and.. yeah mmhmh you need to face him or her. Something has to change from one side or the other pretty fast because you cannot always avoid each other. We have to learn how to get over our anger and feelings pretty fast to be able to make it work. And maybe – for sure- say sorry a little more than you would want to. But think about the bigger picture: in the end what is important and what is not important?
It is funny because usually the students in the beginning of the year, they are all afraid of me. hahah. It is funny because after one month or two they tell me that like if it were their biggest secret! « you know Sophie, the first weeks onboard I was terrified by you, you were always so impressive and on top of everything »… « yeah, so scary …»
I can still recall Iz. Saying that while I was making a like about Wi. And Ea. Who were sanding the wood around the bridge on the monkey deck because I was making a kind funny teasing joke about them laughing so hard. And they were just thinking at that moment « oh she is funny too and she can also joke haha »
Well I hadn’t realized that training new crew, training new students, training new teachers, doing drills, launching the new year, making sure everything is settled so that we can have a running year, well I never realized how busy it is and well, yes. I am chief officer so a lot of those I my responsibilities I guess and I am busy with it. So I guess I can say it. I am just under the captain in the hierarchy so a figure of authority.
It made me wonder which type of face I had been showing since the beginning of the year!! Oh no was I that busy? But I did remember so cool and funny times so it must have been just with other students then 😉 I do remember a cool short talk with Ma the very very very first evening… about the usage of my longboard haha 😉
I hope I can also be fun. Well I know I can. Yeah you know me now, and you also know I love you all. My job is sometimes really not easy, but I love it. And there is not one morning I wake up thinking I do not want to work today. Even with lovely cutie students that test your patience all day long ;-).
Going back to my subject.
Sometimes people – I- anybody- just needs time. Need to be alone. think. Think about a discussion one just had or an argument. Or just be alone, away from people for no other specific reason. We live all together with strangers in the beginning and family in the end. Sometimes more than family even. This creates a bond that os difficult to explain.
I haven’t chosen my colleagues onboard. Yet, some I meet again and again and even though we are totally different in everything, I love them very much. Others, well others you invest energy, time and you eventually never see them again, or maybe just once in a while a few years later; but it doesn’t matter. It is just the way it is. And it is good like this.
Some people you spend energy and you want to keep them. You make the active choice to stay in touch. You sometimes also have very different opinions with your colleagues but you still have to « survive the semester as « one team ».
One of my favorite quotes, in French is :
« Nous méritons toutes nos rencontres, elles sont accordées à notre destinée et ont une signification qu’il nous appartient de déchiffrer »
basically: we deserve all the encounters we have, they are according to our destiny and have a meaning that belongs to us to decipher. – mhmh does it make sense?
In short, it is up to us to do what we want with the people we meet.
With a bit of effort and understanding from what is happening with the person in front of you, maybe you could also be friends! 🙂 Often, we find out what they bring to the group, that you or others do not bring ,and then we realize how important each and everyone in important and has its place onboard.
Of course there will always be some people for whom not effort is required and that from day one. But if you look in every one, you might find some nice things that you like too. You just need to search for them a bit more; and maybe the « digging » will end up on the greatest treasure!
I must say this can require more or less effort. Personally, when crew comes onboard for the first time, I do not share a lot. I have the feeling that I have in the past tried to share so much and that every couple of month I had to start all over again with new crew that it was damaging me more than anything. So people need to be pretty much patient with me in the beginning. Then when they come back, it is « safe territories » so it is as if I know them since ever. I guess this is my shield, protecting me from losing friends too often or putting a lot of efforts to getting to know people, building relations that wouldn’t last. And when you actually do not see your friends and family for so long, it can be pretty tough and lonely sometimes!
On these type of vessels, a lot of people come and go. In your own home. HOME. Yes… indeed… we live onboard. I am really really blessed to have my own cabin. I am so thank full for that. It is small but cosy. And my own. I am so thankful otherwise I would last as long onboard and would need bigger longer leaves. maybe.
So yes. Some are afraid of me, some not, when I am direct then people might be on their guards. But hey, I guess they better be because usually there is a good reason. I am not often upset, and never angry for long anyways. So if someone reads on my face that they have disappointed me. They they know for next time. Pretty clear, direct and simple.
But now. For all the times people think they read that I am upset on my face and I am not… well.. back to what I just said, it is never long and you have one chance out of two that I was just in my thoughts… haha
And finally you have those. THOSE. Those who for some reason or another either know you for a while – my parents – for sure-, my captains with whom I have been sharing 72% of my past 4 years…, and some of my best friends- and those that you just met. Maybe they are so similar to you, or maybe they just keep on going to please me that they go beyond everything bringing me tea, giving hugs – good morning hugs, good night hugs, checking in the bridge to see if I am okay, If I need anything or if they can do anything for me, bring me a tea or a coffee… I have a few of those yogi tea tags that I might keep forever. But most of all for those snail fingers I do.
Its a kind of peace hand-sign. You can « peace with » someone, « peace to » someone by pointing those two fingers at them (with a smile), do « hi snails » be just moving them (curving the fingers up and down) and then the best is the « snail finger connection » when both fingers from both persons touch like and electrical connection, positive vibe power transmitter.
Well ok ok… it may sound ridiculous. I have no Idea how I came up with this thing, but I just love my snail fingers and the connection I get with some of the students that, like me, like some routines… 😉
Ok so to explain in a different way. I came up with this whole theory with Ma. One day. I am like thorn. You know like some people have their spirit animal? I haven’t found mine yet, but I did find my spirit plant. To. Would be still laughing at me saying how funny he found that I gave a spirit to a plant…. (mhmh well ok…) so Ma. And I were talking about how sometimes some people do not open up to others much. They will not reveal their deepest themselves. So you can spend one year with them and in the end still think like… do I actually know this person?! Well I can the example of the blackberry. The black berry is such a delicious fruit. It is sooo good!! It is also savage. You do not « plant » it in your garden. It grows a bit on the side of the roads, in fields. But to get it you have to put your arm throw the thorns. So you get scratches everywhere. You get scratches to get to the fruit and enjoy it. I am that plant. (also I think the flower is pretty so… :p just kidding). You might need to get a few scratches before enjoying me. Ma. Then told me that it was so worth it. I remember I didn’t know what to respond to that. That was at that point extreme kindness coming out of a pure heart.
Oh- I miss those talks and moments so much 🙂
Sometimes, we have an upset face, or we think our colleague has an upset face but what we just want is a friendly face to come and talk to us to get us out of the negative thoughts that are in our heads. We will never know what other people are enduring. We all have our own battles but especially on a vessel like this, taking care of the others and respecting them in their thoughts is the best that one can do.
“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion” (Paulo Coehlo I think?)
Sometimes you have to just keep things for your self and make people around you happy. It the end does it matter? So lets just start being less upset, and more open to put the others ahead. And most of all not showing or expressing our own feelings or disappointed thoughts when we have them, so that others, if not every one can be happy.
And maybe… maybe you will se that the way that wasn’t your in the beginning might be a new path you hadn’t seen before… and a better one!
❤ ❤ ❤ Sophs ⚓
S O P H I E. T H E. S A I L O R. 