Hey there all of you! It has been month I haven’t posted anything in my blog… These past years have been crazy with a lot of life hanging factors. Hard lessons but wonderful outcomes. A lot has changed in my life and I am very grateful for it as I have discovered a whole new side of life.

Some of the major lessons are the following:

⭐️ The people who love you will always be there for you to support you no matte what.

⭐️ When you have reached the bottom, the bright days are coming soon after and you rebounce better and higher every time.

⭐️ All new opportunities beyond your safety zone are new experiences that are life changing. In a positive way.

⭐️ Never stop hoping and fighting for the people you love. Never stop believing.

Of course, in these 18 month I have earned way more than these 4 truths. Every day countless simple lessons, small steps and little joys, letting go slowly of what was holding me back. People being there at the right moment to say the right words… I cannot be more blessed.

It is more important to make the right decision than a fast decision.

You refuse to panic and by getting all the facts and your ideas back in place you need more time. You ask for more time. I the middle of a crisis you tend to be impulsive and not thinking rationally. You want to make quick decisions and you do not see the overview anymore.

A wrong decision is wrong no matter if it was a fast decision or not. I have been so glad to be surrounded my my parents when I needed more time for my self. Years of giving myself 200% to my work and sailing 10 month a year got me totally lost and I needed time to find myself again: who am I? Why on earth am I doing this? What is it that I like so much on being the ship’s slave , running a vessel that is not mine and accepting that other people’s mistakes end up on my plate and keeping on sweeping the broken glasses, again and again. And making me believe I was the problem and not doing my job correctly. Being a slave to a school you do not believe in anymore: showing a pretty cover but not treating their wounds, covering their mistakes with bad make up and showing the kind of leadership I didn’t believe in anymore.

I realised it was a few month probably that I was pushing away the thought of leaving what I thought was confort and the “best job ever”… but I couldn’t face it anymore. I needed time. Time for myself, my thoughts, my life. Recentering on who I was, wanted to become and not on who I had become. I needed rest. Physical rest and mental rest.

From one day to another, I quit my job. And it was so far one of the best decision I made in 2019.

And you know what? A huge weight and burden suddenly disappeared from my shoulders, feeling lighter, and from that moment I knew it would all be fine.

I knew it was the right decision.

Of course, like I said it didn’t all happen that suddenly. This was a process that was longer than what I was admitting to myself. Offers on other positions, reactions from my employers about those offers, not encouraging me but reminding me I was “theirs” as a possession they would keep for themselves and not encourage me to go further in my own path; not wanting to let me go.

A trip to Amsterdam, an appointment with the crew manager of the well known dream vessel; a position offered on a silver plate….. and a paper missing. As we were ticking all the boxes, we suddenly realised I needed a merchant certificate of competency even though it was a sailing vessel. I needed that paper. I wanted that paper. I wanted that job and I was going to get it.

A couple of days later I had contact with a school. I could go to school again for 2 years with home schooling and exams to pass in The Netherlands, a few weeks per year with an internship to do on a cargo vessel.

It was set. I was going to start that school to get that bigger all ships ticket.

A couple of days later I was handing in my resignation letter.

And you know what? I didn’t have to move my pinky finger that within a week I had literally got involved in a new study, another vessel called my for a three month sail from Cape Town to Danemark – yes returning on my mighty Bark Europa was a dream come true! And in two emails I got contact with a big dutch shipping company for an intern ship….

I was sorted for the rest of the year and it all came naturally to me as if people were waiting for me to quit my job. I was available again and open for new adventures. I didn’t “belong to anyone” and was mastering my own decisions.

Was I afraid? yes. Was I uncomfortable? More than once, yes. Was I frustrated? Yes. Did it take me month to recover and gain my self confidence back? Yes. Was I happier? yes. I made myself happier. I tried to focus on all the new challenges and to take them positively. I tried to take the good things, good memories, good moments and I started saying yes to adventures and opportunities rather than declining them. I became more open.

I started a weekly update on my social media when back on Bark Europa as I wanted to share my challenges and thoughts through my voyage. People loved reading them as messages were coming in asking for more and taking me.

I realised people actually liked reading me and made me realise that the way I was seing myself was the opposite of how they saw me.

I must admit I am still in a constant process or battle against myself about my worth. I am slowly daring more and having a better opinion about my work, my looks, my friendships. It took me month to realise that quitting gave me my wings and my freedom back. I am happier, smilier, and the Sophie I was a few years ago is 200% back …. But in better! 🙂

I like that.

I had my first summer home in years. I realised it was so good to enjoy being home with your family. Enjoying small things: waking up late, being lazy in the garden or near the swimming pool, working out, picking raspberries, baking cakes, reading useless women magazines… and getting back into “school mode” and trying to learn dutch “for real” this time…. Indeed, I am crazy enough to start a school knowing that this time, not only it is also in dutch like the Enkhuizen Zeevaart school is, but that I also need to pass the national dutch exam which required a little more than “just a shy comprehension of the language”…. And that my friends… well. No need to say. I am just crazy. A happy smily crazy. But still crazy.

But so far this was the right decision.

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The new adventure.

I was a bit anxious about the three month internship I had to do for my new school. It is funny how, even if I knew, I had to ask all the “stupid no so stupid” questions to my friends in the cargo industry: are people nice? Will I have my cabin? Will I have night watches? Will I have time to study? Will I have time to workout and take care of myself? Do I know enough? Will I be good enough? Will I like it?

yes…. I was definitely back to the rank of trainee with all this anxiety haha! I had no idea what I was stepping into and how It would be onboard but it happened that the crew was amazing and that the chief officer was also a woman! I like the woman power even if I can handle men around, it is nice to not be the only one. Even though it actually doesn’t change anything.

Those three month were a bit tough in the beginning as I needed to find my place again. My place as trainee with quite some experience in having responsibilities. I had decided before joining that I would take the experience as good as I could and I would try to be interested in everything I was doing or offered/ asked to do. I had even planned in my head that if the crew wasn’t so nice I would try to focus on the cargo we had onboard and get to know what it was for, how we could use it etc or the harbours where we would sail into…. I had also challenged myself to be or say happy, to take a smily selfie of my self every single day with something that was nice. It could be work related, nature relates, retime relate… anything as long as it was a sincere smile. I though I would need to be reminded of being happy every day. This was my challenge for the 3 month onboard. But it wasn’t hard to do. I liked doing it and it gave me so many pictures to share on my weekly social media reports. I loved it.

It reminded me that you are as happy as you want to be and it is often a mind set.

If you get interested in the world and if you smile, a lot of doors will open to you.

And this is absolutely true. Looking back there was not one day I didn’t have fun! And it showed. I got offered a position onboard.

L I F E. C H A N G I N G. E X P E R I E N C E.

No need to say I accepted. Sails could wait. I was happy to experience something new. Here I am.

I once found this quote on the net, and think it fits pretty well here:

“ I am attracting better because I have discovered that it all starts with me. I am going to change myself first so that everything can align for me. I am not going to blame anyone. I am going to take responsibility for my life. The better I become, the better I attract.”

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Cheers to the Old. Cheers to the New.

New job, new ship, new responsibilities, new colleagues, new harbours, new horizons and….

More holidays, more time home, more internet, more connection with my friends and family….

The list could go on and on.

This is my come back with weekly updates on my social media with what I learn and live onboard. Hopefully I can share my World through Sophie’s eyes with you and my not so boring adventures. And mainly give it a fresh start to this blog with my deeper thoughts on life and what I live and learn personally.

I do not regret a single day of my Tall ship life, and I am not closing the door to it. I am really looking forward to be the new version of myself back on these beauties. Sailing for a few weeks, replacing my friends for them to get some rest from the oh so known hard and intense work these cathedrals of the seas offer you.

I am happy where I am and I am looking forward for more rest and more stability. More trust and more knowledge. New projects at home, more time for myself.

Without my past experience I would have not been where I am now.

I am not starting from scratch. I am starting with a background. A solid and reliable one. And I am proud of it. I had fun. Lots. I have sailing vessels and area’s people will dream of their entire life. I am lucky. Extremely lucky, and I know that. I am grateful for the people I have met and for my family.

If you feel like you aren’t growing, think about where you were a year ago… it will put yourself into perspective!

I love new starts. Fresh starts.

Captain H. Says he is blessed to have me onboard. I return the compliment.

I am extremely thankful.

Cheers to the Old. And Cheers to the new.

Do not be afraid to start over again. Do not stop believing. Do not stop moving forward with every little step you take. You are not alone: family, friends, colleagues, God too are there for you.

Sophs ♥️⚓️✌🏻