You are as happy as you choose to be

It has been three weeks already that for the 4th time a bunch of students have left the vessel after graduation in Amsterdam. Every year I find it a pretty tough moment.

All students, before they leave the vessel get some kind of « session » onboard where they are explained what they can expect coming back home after living 9 month onboard. Somehow, if you are not a student you are kind of kept out of the loop; as if, as an adult you are supposed to deal better than others with good byes, and as if you never lived the same things as the students onboard, seeing them leave the vessel wouldn’t affect you more than that.

When you spend more than 72 % of your time onboard, day and night, well yes, these people are a huge part of your living and so yes it does affect you as much. How can we not become close to them if we share almost every single minute the same thing with them? The vessel is big… but not that big… When you see the new students arriving onboard in September, they are all young, shy, have no clue what is happening and what is going to happen. After four years, I know exactly what is going to happen. There will be some tough moments, for sure, but there will be some moments you will never ever forget and you will build the strongest friendships ever.

On one of my first tall ships, Etoile, wooden schooner from the French navy, The commanding officer said to us: « On a tall ship, you cry twice. The first time because you have no idea what you are doing here and why you accepted to come. The second time because you do not want to leave anymore. » This still applies to me nowadays – I do not cry as much though ;p – I never want to leave the vessel when my holidays show up, and usually I count days to come back onboard.

One of the worst feelings is casting of the last mooring line from your own vessel, your own home, and waving good bye…. While you are still on the quay side!

Trust me, it is for me one of those moments your heart shrinks quite a bit and becomes extremely heavy in your chest.

It makes be every time so so sad to see every one leave. And to be honest it takes me weeks to sit on it put myself together again. Trying to focus on my work and the people around me. There is always that moment you go back to your cabin and think of this or that person and your eyes start watering. (my parents provided me with fountains! Its incredible! – not!)

Well I might be called Sophie – wisdom in ancient greek- and a lot of students may think I am one of the wisest persons onboard; trust me inside I am boiling with all the same questions and doubts as anybody. And maybe even more just because I am a Sophie! – I have a whole Sophie-theory-thing going on… I’ll keep that for another time !

When I was on Holiday in may, I got a message from D. : «  Sophie. I do not want to leave. I am scared. How will I do back home? » … mhmh yeah… well welcome to Life D! And There I was on telling him that those things were maybe the most difficult and beautiful things in life at the same time and that I was sorry about it because I didn’t have the best answers. I gave him so many tips of what he could do and he was extremely thankful and said it was already helping him a lot. But I also told him that to be very honest with him, that on that very same subject I couldn’t even follow my own advice as it can be so difficult.

You cannot control your feelings but you can control your emotions.

The feeling of sudden emptiness and loneliness are difficult to cope with. But the sadness that comes out from it is an emotion you can try to control by focusing on other things or on changing your thoughts towards positivity.

And yes even now I find my self reminded by B. – with a huge smile 🙂 – that it is better to think about how happy this whole year made me, rather that thinking I am missing people. (thank you B. So much!! I read and read and reread that message to keep it in mind!)

Yes! Thinking that I am grateful and blessed I have met these awesome people and that I have shared so many nice experiences with them, looking forward to a future opportunity to see each other again, rather than seeing them at every corner where they used to hang out and closing myself on how I miss them.

I find myself talking to some students sometimes and thinking OMG! Where does he or she come from? They understand it all! Or how he or she already knows that at their age and not me at mine?

And this is where friendship and trust begins. They pull me up and teach me and I pull them up and teach them. They inspire me everyday to enjoy life as much as I can, to listen to « new thoughts » and « new ideas. These youngsters are the future. What we teach them now , hopefully they will bring it with them around the world. All the love and understanding that we give them now they will bring it back within their families , friends and spread it around.

I love talking with students, in the bridge or on lookout – nooo of course I never talk to the helms man… this one needs to keep a good course and shouldn’t be distracted… humhum 😉 –

I was several times told by M. Before going on holiday: «  Sophs. Stop thinking about the time we are going to be separated. Stop thinking and enjoy these moments together and focus on the next time we will see each other, otherwise none of us are going to survive.»

Yes… indeed… That same M., the first time I was going home in Toulon, mid-October – so only after a month onboard- once came back running to the vessel – litterally– to give me a HUGE hug while I was working on the aft deck- I can still remember because it surprised me so much!! – saying he didn’t get it that I was leaving the vessel in that harbour. He thought I was actually not coming back at all and was afraid he had missed me and hadn’t said good bye.

And we were just one month onboard.

Yes you build friendships that will last forever and as much as I had no idea I had already such an impact on some of those youngsters; some had already an impact on me too.

When I came back onboard in La Palma, walking slowly back to the vessel after a small dinner in town with the captain and the engineer, we heard someone scream my name from a small plaza…. A group of students were having dinner together and they had seen me. M. shouted my name and was waving like crazy. I remember blushing so hard and feeling loved and trying not to smile. And trying to act casual. The engineer and captain were laughing and told me. «  yes Sophie. You are allowed to smile. Just enjoy this. Some really missed you onboard ».

One cannot explain the joy we receive from working with trainees onboard. You give so much on a vessel. You have to make sure that all systems are running, that all the paperwork is done, that all the safety check are done, that every department is running properly and that every one is happy. And this is quite difficult sometimes. Captains and first officer have the biggest picture of what is happening onboard thus have the overview of all areas (the first officer should at all times be able to replace the captain if something happens to him). There are so many things we can work on for hours and that no one else will see and no one will ever thank you for. You will never receive a shout out for spending 4 extra hours of your rare and precious time off in San Blas Islands- Panama- in the immigration office for everybody to be actually able to go ashore. But the other will get shout outs at muster for labeling brooms and dust pans….

Sometimes all your time is given so that the others can enjoy the shore, the sailing, the food, their time off…. Remember always, the vessel is not in these beautiful places for you but for the trainees. It is all always for them to be happy.

So when you receive a hug -even a small shy one – from one of the students, it means the world to you. And then. And then only you remember why you do all this.

« If God gives us wealth and property and lets us enjoy them, we should be grateful and enjoy what we have worked for. It is a gift from God » Ecclesiastes 5:19 GNT

We are indeed richly provided with everything for our enjoyment. We were given the whole entire world for our enjoyment! But here is the problem: we are so busy getting more that we don’t enjoy what we have got. One of my favorite things to do is watch the sunrise, sunsets or stars at night at sea, from the vessel: the bridge deck, bowsprit, or top gallant even!

But I realize I have to force myself to ask myself: «  what am I not enjoying right now? ».

I think I am like most of the people – and not the wise Sophie… – I can easily get in that «when and then » thing  thinking- when this happens, then I’ll be happy.

I wouldn’t start giving examples now…. We would still be there tomorrow!

You are as happy as you choose to be. Happiness is a choice!

If you’re not happy now, you are not going to be happy later. Happiness has nothing to do with your circumstances. It is not because you have this, this or that that you will be happier. It has every thing to do with your attitude. If you are not happy living on what you are living right now, you that you are not going to be happy with any more. Because you are always going to want a little bit more or better, or bigger.

Yes. It is difficult. But happiness is a choice. And I have to remind the people around me and mostly myself that we need to stay positive and try to find the positive in what is happening around.

Choose to enjoy what God has given you right now for your enjoyment!

I have been blessed with sailing with trainees and awesome crew, and I sometimes think I haven’t spend as much time with them as I wished. I feel the wind in my face and I live outside where I could enjoy even more nature and the freedom we have surrounded by only water and the beauty of different breathtaking landscapes. I could for sure enjoy more awe moments!

There is not one morning I wake up thinking this is not what I like. I am happy so this is how I continue being even more happy. I do not know where I will be next year, so better enjoy it the fullest. right?

Do what you love and love what you do.

Do what you love and you will never have a problem with Monday (- haha what a joke, at sea all days are the same! ;p – but you get the quote right? :p )

Thank you floaties, and all the crew I have been working with. Thank you for kicking me once again and bringing me upwards to a better me. I have learned from each one of you.

I do miss you all. really. For real real really. I think of you every single day. I loved sailing with you and I cannot wait to hear from you soon and see you!

❤ ❤ ❤ Sophs  ⚓